Episode 5: Attack of the Dim-Witted Critics
A Review of Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones

Having seen this movie now five times, (three times in the first five days of its release, and recently in a digital theater), I thought I’d share my opinion of the movie. In short, I loved it. This movie did not disappoint me in the least. Moreover, it made the previous movie in the series into a better movie. However, after reading several moronic reviews of this movie by the self-appointed intelligentsia of the entertainment world—the critics—I’ve decided to rebuke two common criticisms of this movie. The acting was subpar The special effects were better than the story

Issue #1: The acting was sub-par

I remember Harrison Ford’s story about how when he was a struggling actor, a movie mogul pointed to a popular actor of the day (this was in the late 60’s, I believe) and the man said (I’m paraphrasing) “when he’s on the screen, you know he’s a movie star!” To which Harrison rebuked “I thought you were supposed to believe he is a bellboy, or a doctor, or whatever his character is, not who the actor is.”

In many people’s opinions, the acting should have been more “real”. But what they don’t take into account is that this movie takes place in a cold, ancient, and very proper galaxy. The people on Coruscant act very much like they would act in a multi-cultural world where its senators and aides are brought up in the strict rules of etiquette and protocol. The Jedi act as if they have been bestowed the awesome responsibility of being very minority peace-keepers of a chaotic galaxy whose ruling body doesn’t even have its own army.

As for Anakin and Padme…Were people expecting Anakin to be more suave when proclaiming his love to Padme? Were they expecting poetry?

This kid had been a slave for nine years, and then a member of the Jedi Order, an organization that does not socialize like the ordinary citizens of the republic. Anakin had not spent the last 10 years of his life hitting on girls in each port-of-call. In contrast, he’s been restricted in his social development, all the while pinning for his true love, a woman he didn’t even get the chance to say goodbye to ten years ago.

And now, given the assignment to protect her life, was the audience really expecting a Han Solo-esque declaration of love? Heck, even Han Solo wasn’t that suave with Leia, if the dozen times I’ve seen The Empire Strikes Back serves me well.

<quick side note – in the recent Playboy interview with Harrison Ford, he reveals that it was his idea to respond to Leia’s “I love you” with “I know” – much to George Lucas’ own objections.>

Perhaps the acting was too real for the story and not fake enough for our Hollywood expectations. I, for one, like it when the characters on stage or screen have a flair for language. But ultimately, realism is at the discretion of the director – and this is George’s show (and a damn good show it is!!)

Issue #2: The special effects were better than the story

I’ve heard from several people who didn’t care for the story of Episode II – yet every single one of them could barely tell me the plots of the other movies, let alone the subtleties that make Episode II all the richer of a story.

Take a few minutes and read through the message boards on www.theforce.net – note the intricacies of the plot that are being debated, the conjecture regarding Palpatine’s plan and how he has remained flexible and continued to be one step ahead of the Jedi Council.

Yes, it has been three years since Episode I. And unless you own it on DVD, you may have forgotten many of the smaller scenes (you know, the ones that didn’t involve a pod-racer or a light saber). And granted, the annoying presence of Jar-Jar Binks, while grossly exaggerated, is perhaps the biggest reason that many casual fans haven’t seen the movie recently.

The stories behind Episodes I & II are much more complex than the original series. They speak volumes of a subtle, but all too serious game of chess where we see a young forgotten slave-boy rise from his upbringing as a pawn and eventually become one of the most powerful Jedi in the galaxy and how an evil, self-serving senator and dark lord was able to use this child to build and control an empire.

Twenty-five years ago, George Lucas reinvented mythology. There’s a reason that these mythological stories ring true, deeply within ourselves. Even a casual read of the late Joseph Campbell will reveal why so many people have responded so genuinely to this tale of a long time ago, and a galaxy far, far away.

And yet for movie critics to fail to acknowledge the above is unconscionable, but expected. Star Wars is not for everyone. No movie is. But Star Wars is a story about everyone, in one way or another. And it is a story that has been mirrored in countless derivative movies…and in countless real-life scenarios. But like any piece of history, the appreciation is truly in the details and underlying complexity.

Oh yeah – and the special effects were really cool, too, especially in the digital theater.

Bravo, Mr. Lucas – I can’t wait for Episode III